WTF

Today's punishment:

"Nancy"

5 rds for time of

400-M Run

OHS x 15 @ 63/95

Result: 28:36 at 65 lbs
Pukey Scale 4.5 of 5 (I stopped my final run to puke but it never happened)

WTF is up with this heat. I mean COME ON. I know its Florida and its summer and I have dealt with this shit for 16 years not but this year just seems a little warmer. Thanks Al Gore for all your global warming brain washing, ass.

WTF is up with two girls in a row. Admittedly I didn't do yesterday's so I really can't complain but I will anyways because I thought I got out of doing a Nasty Girl. And damn, those girls are nasty. Any WOD with a name in Crossfit is likely to make you puke. I am an expert on this!

WTF is up with me ADDING 10 minutes to my Nancy time (my last Nancy was 18 mins)? I probably did 45 instead of 65 but that to me doesn't make up for a 10 minute difference. Fuck that is embarrasing. Sarah almost halved my time. She gets a special post when it finally happens (or if she doubles my rounds or reps).

WTF is up with Jason being a sadist. I mean seriously. He gets paid to come up with ways to torture us. Who does that shit? Maybe we should send him to Guantanimo and put him to work. Maybe Crossfit can break Al Queda. Fuck water boarding, make em do commie swings till they puke!

Suck it.

--Stuntman Mike

Conversations with myself

Today's punishment:

“Cindy”
AMRAP 20 min
5 pullups
10 pushups
15 squats

I really shouldn't know what the work out is going to be the night before. The following conversation happened this morning.

5:10 AM -
Alarm: EEH EEH EEH EEH
Jim: Shut the fuck up its early.
Stuntman Mike: Get up asshole it is time for CrossFit.
Jim: Fuck that. BAM, SNOOZE (hits the snooze button)

5:20 AM -
Alarm: EEH EEH EEH EEH
Jim: Shut the fuck up its still early.
Stuntman Mike: Get up asshole it is time for CrossFit.
Jim: Fuck that. BAM, SNOOZE (hits the snooze button)

5:30 AM -
Alarm: EEH EEH EEH EEH
Jim: Shut the fuck up its still really early.
Stuntman Mike: Get up asshole it is time for CrossFit.
Jim: Fuck that. BAM, SNOOZE
Stuntman Mike: DO NOT HIT THE SNOOZE MOTHA FUCKA. GET YOUR ASS UP.
Jim: Jesus man, aren't you tired?
Stuntman Mike: No, I don't sleep.
Jim: I hate you.
Stuntman Mike: No, you hate Jason and it is Cindy today. You like that bitch don't you?
Jim: Not this early.
Stuntman Mike: Seriously, get the fuck up.
Jim: How about we just go tonight?
Stuntman Mike: Negative, you got too much shit going on. We have to go now.
Jim: How 'bout I just do this one at home?
Stuntman Mike: No, we can't do kips with your pull up bar. I want to see what we can really do.
Jim: Hmm... I got it! How about we go a little late today. There aren't enough pull up bars for the AM crew at once, we can show up late and go second heat.
Stuntman Mike: I guess that is acceptable.
Jim: (Hits the off button on the alarm)
Stuntman Mike: Why did you just do that?
Jim: So I can have twenty more minutes of decent sleep. Don't worry its cool, I will wake up in time, I am awesome like that.

7:45 AM -
Jim: Oops.
Stuntman Mike: I hate you.

Two shitty workouts 12 hours apart

Yesterday's punishment (my lazy ass didn't get up at 6am so I hit up 6pm):

Courtesy of J.Gilson @ CrossFit "Again Faster"
AMRAP in 10 minutes:
10 Hang Power Clean [63/95]
10 Burpees
- - - - - - - - - -
Extra Work:
50 GHD Sit-Ups
50 GHD Hypers

Result: 4 rounds + 1 burpee
Pukey Scale: 3

Hey J.Gilson... FUCK YOU! Thanks for the horrible workout asshole. Did you and Jason become sadistic pen pals over craigslist or something? Had this one been a 5 min amrap I would have done fine and it wouldn't have been so bad but I started cracking at about 7 mins in and my cleans went to shit. Total failure the last 3 mins, that sucked. I cooled off in the hurricane that hit us right when the workout started. Felt good. Krock and Rob both felt pukey but didn't quite pop. (Just feeling pukey for Kristin is like a 6 on the normal pukey scale.) If you ain't puking you ain't trying. Had my cleans not failed me I would have been right there with them. The extra work sucked too. Thanks Jason, you dick.

Today's punishment (12 hours later):

3 rds of:

Row 750/500/250 Meters

SB Bench Press 21-15-9 [@ 75%/100% of Body Weight]

KTE 21-15-9

*Rest as needed between rounds

Result: @125 (We'll have to find out this from Jason, he had some crazy math scribbled down that was supposed to be my time)
Pukey scale: 3.5 (No barf thanks to the breaks)

6AM was all slow getting going this morning, me included. Sarah and Jason tried to trick me into thinking we would skip the WOD and hit up Bennett's for some donuts... its too early for such pranks. The two paleos almost got me to believe it. By the time we actually got to this bitch of a WOD it was already 6:40. I weighed in this morning at 160 and for some stupid reason I thought that is what I was going to bench that. I have never even tried to bench that much before but fuck it, its Friday right? I quickly came to my senses as mixing the row would severely hinder my ability to push out 21 reps over my 5-rep max. No, I did 125 instead (78.125%). Man, it still sucked. Performance-wise I think I did ok. I hope Jason's CF football workout is extra hard today.

Suck it.

--Stuntman Mike

CFFM: Crossfit For Masocists

Today's punishment:

"The Twins"
"Your Choice", pick one OR two of the following WOD's:
1.) "Death by 10 Meters"
2.) Row 3-K for best time
3.) 5 min. Max Rep D/U's

Result: 3.) 113 1) 12 runs
Pukey Scale: 1 of 5

Are we all masochists? I don't consider myself a prude by any means but I have never been into whips, chains, choking, or snuff porn. Dominatrices scare me more than turn me on. Handcuffs are more of a nuisance than an aphrodisiac. Could I really be a masochist?

I had the "choice" to do one or two of the WODs. I chose two. First up was the double unders. 113 was the magic number. I was having some problems midway with doing more than five in a row but it picked up in the end. I took a little break and moved on to "Death by 10 Meters." This one is funny because it goes from redonkulously easy to impossible. And it is impossible, even Usain Bolt will eventually fail although I imagine it would be much later than when I did. Big thanks to Sarah who, in a show of fellow masochism, jumped in with me mid-workout. (Plus she is doing an endurance WOD later in the day, CRAZY!)

So I could have done one WOD and went home but I did two. What does this mean? I have been going to a place for over a year that's motto is "Show up to throw up." The Crossfit program routinely beats up on the Crossfiters and we take it with pride and enthusiasm. One of the definitions of masocism is "a willingness or tendency to subject oneself to unpleasant or trying experiences." Well shit, I guess that answers the question. Don't get me wrong, the benefits are there but maybe there is an easier way. I don't really care, I accept my fate. In the end its pretty gratififying even if it is a pyschological disorder. That won't stop me from continuing to hate Jason and expose all his evil deeds.

Suck it.

--Stuntman Mike

Hot Hot Heat

Today's punishment

For time:

100 WBS [14#/20#]

50 Box Jumps @ 20"

Run 1-Mile

Result: 22:42
Pukey Scale: 3 of 5

This one was a strange one. It sucked but I thought it was going to be worse. My target was to be sub 30 mins and I got that for sure, however, I think it was just average performance (thanks to an inconsistent run). I was really expecting the worst If you haven't noticed, its getting really fucking hot though. Jason is really punishing you PM'ers today make sure you drink LOTS of water.

I was chatting with Sarah about reading the workout before sleeping or first thing in the morning. I checked it before and had a dream/nightmare about today's wod last night. I dreamed about some crazy contraption Jason made to make WBS harder. It was like two medicine balls on a tether and you swung them while you squatted. I have really vivid dreams, most of them are seriously fucked up. This is mild in comparison.

Suck it.

--Stuntman Mike

Stuntman Mike Diet

Monday morning punishment:

3 rds:
60 seconds, Max Rep Pull-Ups
Run 200-M
Row 60 seconds, Max Cals

*Rest 3 min. between rds
*Score total # of Pull-Ups + Calories

Result: 107
Pukey Scale: 2 (had there been no rest it would have been a 5)

I am really surprised Jason let us rest between rounds. If it wasn't for those short three minutes, pukeyness definitly would have ensued. I actually did ok for a 6 AM Monday. My target was to average 20 across the board but that didn't happen after the first round. After last week's overall suckfest, I still think I started this week pretty strong.

I noticed a lot of you blogging the food, after last week I got to thinking maybe my nutrition isn't where it should be at. So I concocted a plan that I started this weekend:

The Stuntman Mike Diet

The Stuntman Mike diet works similar to the zone. We focus on three macro nutrients but I call them chunks instead of blocks. The three main macro nutrients are saturated fat, sugar, and alcohol. Two grams of sat. fat, ten grams of sugar, and a half an alcoholic drink each total for one chunk (the sugars in beer are included into the alcohol). So lets see how I did this weekend:

Saturday -
8:00 AM Calistoga - Bacon egg and cheese croissant sandwich and coffee with half & half and sugar 7-4-0
9:30 AM Golf - Four Coors Lights 0-0-8
1:00 PM Beef O'Brady's - Five Hot Wings dipped in blue cheese and one beer 6-0-0
4:00 PM Rob's pool - One Mojito, two Coors Lights 0-0-8 (Rob makes strong Mojito, that bitch counts as two)
6:30 PM Leeroy Selmon's - Eight BBQ wings dipped in ranch, 1/3 plate of nachos, and two sweet teas 15-9-0
8:30 PM Reserve and the Buddah - One Jager Bomb, five pints of Guinness, two Pints of Black & Blues, one Yingling straight from the pitcher. 0-0-18
2:45 AM IHOP - Stuffed french toast, two eggs, hash browns, and bacon. (also I stole two onion rings from my friend Brian when he wasn't looking. those were the bestest onion rings ever... because I stole them) 10-12-0

Sunday -
8:30 AM Bennett's - Boston cream donut and coffee with half & half and sugar. 4-8-0
(If you haven't been to Bennett's in Downtown Fort Myers, I highly recommend it! best.donuts.ever.)
12:00 PM Chili's - Three boneless chicken wings, two sliders, half a quesadilla, two sweet teas, one margarita. 18-9-2
3:00 PM Beach - Two Coors Lights 0-0-4
5:30 PM Abbot's - Black Raspberry Frozen Custard with gummy bears on top. 4-15-0
(Also have to give a recommendation to Abbot's this was my first time and I was really impressed although the gummy bears were a bit much, that's what happens when left to my vices)
8:00 PM Wendy's - Single combo with cheese (Coke) and a small Frosty. 8-9-0

Ok, all kidding a side this was seriously a bad weekend for me eating wise. Back to zone bars and protein shakes, joy oh joy.

Suck it.

--Stuntman Mike

My arms are going to fall off.

That was what I said this morning BEFORE I even looked at today's punishment.

Triple Modality ~ GMW
For time:

25 Pull-Ups

50 Push-Ups

75 Air Squats

Row 750-M

50 Push Press @ 33/45

Row 750-M

75 Air Squats

50 Push-Ups

25 Pull-Ups

Result: 40+ mins (can't remember exact time)
Pukey Scale: 4 of 5 (spiked during the end of the second row)

A second triple modality this week? Seriously? Yesterday, I originally wrote a "wah wah" post about how sore I am. I decided it was too whiny and just wrote how I felt. I am not sure what it is about this week but I have been ridiculously sore basically everywhere but especially my shoulders and quads. I think I have killed my shoulders every day, especially on the KBS because I swing that kettlebell like a retard and use too much arm and not enough hips.

So this morning... I was trying to have a good attitude about it. Kips, easy; I banged them out quick. So fast in fact that when I got to what I thought was 25 I wasn't sure if I miscounted because I would have been the first one done, do I did an extra 5 just in case. Next up, pushups: I got through the first 30 at 10 rep sets but had to do a 8 , 7 , 5 set at the end... still making decent time. So far so good. The air squats were tougher than I thought. I didn't stop until 50 and then pushed out the last 25. On to the row. When I sat down my arms were throbbing. I had to just do most of the rowing with my legs. When I made my first pull I realized I was fucked. My legs hurt like a mofo too. And it all went down hill from there. Push press killed my shoulders. Row number two left me feeling pukey. Second squats had to break up into sets of 15. Second pushups were horrible. And I needed a good two minute break before I could start to do more than 1 pull up at a time again. Bleh. Now my arms really feel like they are going to fall off. I seriously haven't hurt this bad since the bear complex. I ended up taking some Excedrin this morning so I could actually use my arms again (I was very reluctant to do this as I heard it hinders the muscle rebuilding process). I know "wah, wah" cue the violins. I know it will all pay off in the end. That still doesn't stop me from giving Jason a big FUCK YOU for today.

Suck it.

--Stuntman Mike

P.S. Today to vent some steam I am going to go jump of some buildings. Anyone in?

No pain, no gain... right?

Today's punishment:

AMRAP in 15 Minutes of
30 D/U's
30 KBS

Result: 2 rounds + 8 commie swings (RX'd)
Pukey Scale: 1 out of 5

I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I REALLY HATE KBS.

Suck it.

--Stuntman Mike

Skills to pay the bills

Today's punishment:

"Skills Day" - Pick a skill and work on it, HARD!

Rope Climbs

Hand Stand Push Ups

Ring Dips

Result: straight rope, check; hand stand push up - no check; ring dip - check
Pukey scale: 0 of 5 (if you puke today I salute you because you really pushed yourself)

My performance yesterday was straight up horrible, no excuses. I was down on myself about it the remainder of last night. I was pretty stoked to see a skills day. What we did today was probably no easier then a regular work out but I think the relaxed, no pressure atmosphere is a nice break to the daily grind. Even Jason gives us a break once and a while. However, Jason is still a sadist so giving us a break isn't like just doing a couple jumping jacks and calling it a day. We started on ring dips. Regular dips were the only thing I excelled at when working out pre-Crossfit, so I was excited to take a stab at it. I felt pretty comfortable with the hold and was able to do a few actual dips, however the rings make it tough and I could only do one full rep per set. The rope climb pulled me up from my Crossfit depression (puns are the lowest form of humor, after limericks). This was the first time I had attempted the straight rope in about six months and I made it up and down the first time much easier than I thought. This is where the sadism kicks in. Coming down the rope almost burned off my fucking nut sack. Seriously, that shit does not feel good. What does Jason say after I finish? "Do five more of those." I think he is just afraid of a bunch of little stuntmans running around. That evil bastard always has a plan. As far as the hand stand pushups went, it was really just handstands, minus the pushups. I was able to do a couple of 30 second hand stands against the wall. I also dropped into a few negatives; I was actually attempting a full pushup but the pushup part didn't happen. I also tried using the rubberband as an assist, this worked pretty well. I think I might try it the next time we see HSPU on the WOD. Throw in some 24k commie swings into the mix and all in all it was a good morning.

Suck it.

--Stuntman Mike

Crossfit Haiku

Today's Punishment:

Run 800-Meters
21 Thrusters [63/95]

21 Burpees

15 Thrusters

15 Burpees

9 Thrusters

9 Burpees

Run 800-Meters

Result: 28:45
Pukey Scale: 3.5 of 5 (Would have been worse if I had been faster on the thrusters)

Monday punishment
My time was really shitty
Fuck Jason that bitch

Suck it.

--Stuntman Mike