blog of shame

Lots going wrong in this entry. First of all the fact that I haven't updated in a week is bad. So lets start with...

Friday:
CFFB SWOD:
Power Clean 3, 3, 3, 3, 3 135-145-155-165(miss)-165(miss)

CFFB DWOD:
21-15-9
Bent Over Rows @ 95lbs
Strict Chin-Ups

Breakfast - Milk, banana & almond butter
Lunch - UFood Bistro salad w/ evoo, no feta
Dinner - Chicken breast, sausage, spinach, milk

Saturday:
CFFB DWOD:
First Determine Power Snatch 3-RM, then ...

5rds of
Snatch Pull
Power Snatch
Snatch Push Press
*Rest 2-min between rds
*Use 60% of 3-RM Snatch

(Don't remember, I will check the journal and update)

Breakfast: Eggs, sausage, bacon, milk
Lunch: Larabar, milk

***off to disney***

Dinner - Rainforest Cafe Plank Seared Salmon, mix veggies
After dinner drink (CHEAT CHEAT CHEAT) Sea salt caramel cocoa from Ghiradelli

Sunday (@ Hollywood Studios)
Breakfast - Skipped
Lunch - Turkey Froccia Sandwich, apple, milk (OK the plan was a turkey leg, I mean how more caveman can you get? Unfortunately they were out, so I found this sandwich that was stacked with meat. I was gonna skip the bread but I was so hungry, I gave in.
Dinner - Earl of Sandwich Mediterranean salad (chicken) no feta or dressing, milk

Monday:

Breakfast - Milk from Starbucks... my order confused them more than a Marble Mocha Machiato
Lunch - Earl of Sandwich Med salad, milk (also had a sip of Tomato Soup, I am getting that next time I am there and not on the challenge)

SWOD:
Squat "Speed" 10x2 @ 65% of 1-RM, :30 sec rest @ 135
Press 5x5 @ 145

CFFB DWOD:
4 rds for time of
Sprint 200-M
25 WBS @ 20lbs
=12:14

Dinner - (Fresh Market) Natural rotisserie turkey breast, brocoli, milk

Tuesday:

Breakfast - Milk, banana, almond butter
Lunch -  Bistro salad
Snack - tablespoon of almond butter, milk
Dinner - Left over turkey, cinnamon apples, milk

Wednesday:
Breakfast - Milk
Lunch - Bistro Salad
Snack - tablespoon of almond butter, milk
Dinner -  Chicken breast, pecans, cinnamon apples, milk

Thursday:
SWOD:
Bench 5x1 155-165-170-175(miss)-175(miss)

CFFB DWOD:
10 rds for time of
3 Front Squat @ BW
5 Ring Dips
7 KTE

Breakfast - Milk
Lunch - 1/2 rotisserie chicken (with my bare hands), strawberries, quart of milk
Snack - tablespoon of almond butter, strawberries
Dinner - Steak, pecans, cinnamon apples, milk

almost friday

Yesterday:
REST
breakfast -  IFed
lunch - 3 eggs, pork, spinach, whole milk
snacks - pecans and pistachios
dinner - steak with onions, broccoli, cauliflower, carrots

Today:
SWOD

(C) Front Squat 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4  115-125-135-140-140-145 (pr)

CFFB DWOD:

Tabata Sledgehammer Strikes L/R

Rest 1-minute

Tabata KTE

Rest 1-minute

Tabata Sledgehammer Strikes L/R

208

breakfast - compote w/ last of pork loin, coffee & whole milk
lunch - beef and broccoli (no sauce, still probably had bad shit in it)
snacks - pistachios
dinner - Jane's paleo meatloaf (pecan meal instead of flax), double whole milk

Flu shot? Try FOOL SHOT

Today's bullshit:

Dual Mod ~ GM

For time:

21-18-15-12-9

Burpees

KTE

*Run 400-Meters after "odd" numbered rounds (21,15,9)

**50 D/U after "even" numbered rounds (18,12)

Results: 32ish (not quit sure exactly)

Pukey scale: 4.5 (Run and second round of doubles, I felt it slide up)

Sadism scale: 5

Seriously, this one sucks.  I wish I had finished about 10 minutes faster... not because I wish I had performed better or anything but because 30 minutes plus of this was pure HEEEEEELLLLLL.  Jason fuck you!  I am really surprised we didn't have more pukers today (including myself) this was a nasty brutal one.

I am a big conspiracy theorist, as many of you may already know, and I don't let the MAN just stick me with something that they think will be good for me.  Here is a perfect example.  This is some seriously scary shit:

Here is another take on it:



Yeah, I am going to hell.  Blah, blah, blah, you know you laughed.

Suck it.

--Stuntman Mike

Still sleepy Monday

Today's bullshit:

AMRAP in 15 minutes of

3 HSPU

5 Pull-Ups

7 KTE

Results: 8 rounds + 2 handstand push-ups (using 8 notebooks)
Pukey scale: 2 of 5
Sadism scale: 4 of 5

Handstand push-ups are no joke and they are vastly less enjoyable then their sibling the kegstand push-up but I digress. Lets review this WOD in slow-mo. First you do some hand stand push-ups, then you tear the fuck out of your hands on the pull up bar doing pull-ups and KTEs. Then you drop back down on the floor with your now bleeding hands and put the ENTIRE WEIGHT OF YOUR BODY on them for more handstand push-ups. Repeat. Oh Jason you are a sadist indeed. Luckily mine did not tear did not tear thanks to my intense work out this weekend that required a lot of Vaseline, my hand and... sorry we almost about to head in the TMI category... fuck it... MY PENIS! I was nice and conditioned for this Monday demoralizer. Hope the rest of you get lots of my cock sweat on those chalky hands of yours.

Suck it.

--Stuntman Mike

PS... best article headline ever: http://www.marketwatch.com/story/baker-hughes-buying-bj-services-for-55-billion-2009-08-31

I'm back... BARF!!!!

I returned Tuesday night. I was too tired to go in at 6AM so I took yesterday's punishment at 6pm. And what punishment it was...

"The Filthy Fifty"
50 Box Jumps
50 Jumping Pull-Ups
50 KBS (24k)
50 Walking Lunges
50 KTE
50 Push Press (45 lbs)
50 GHD Hypers
50 WBS (20 lbs)
50 Burpees
50 D/U

Result: 54:52
Pukey Scale: 5 of 5 (after 15 burpees)
Sadism Scale: 5 of 5

Jason is the biggest asshole on earth. He knew I was coming back on Wednesday. Do I get a nice simple workout to ease myself back in after five days of awful eating and no significant work outs? No I get the filthy fucking fifty. FUCK YOU, YOU GOD DAMNED SADIST!!!!

I am not exactly sure why I even went in a 6pm. I knew Jason's sadistic ass would make anyone make up this brutal workout the next day so I could have taken an extra day to acclimated back to my normal routine and this hot, humid weather. In NE it was 80 with 50% humidity, absolutely beautiful weather (and the locals were complaining about the humidity!). Yesterday was 95 degrees (1 below the record set in 1936) with the sun beating in to the garage while it set. I got dehydrated just warming up. I knew I was in for trouble.

The box jumps and jumping pull ups went fine. Commies swings tripped me up in a bad way. I wasn't doing a good job of keeping my balance and these bitches wore me out quick, pushing me to a 4.5 on the pukey scale. The lunges weren't bad but the KTEs kept the pukey scale up. The push presses and back extensions went ok but I couldn't get the pukey feeling to subside. The wall ball shots were pure hell. I did them mostly in sets of ten but they kept pushing me to a 4.9 on the pukey scale so I had to take long breaks in between. Getting to 15 burpees was rough. I had made a couple of trips outside to puke. After 15 I finally lost it. This morning I checked and my rice from yesterday's lunch is still sitting in the plant bed on the left of the door, check it out! After my spat of pukiness and a little rest, I felt better and finished up the remaining 35 burpees in sets of 5. D/Us seemed impossible at that point but I struggled through the first half and then banged out 23 of the last 25 in a row; 2 more and it was all over, almost an hour over. My punishment for a week of gluttony.

10 1/2 hours later I was back at it again... today's punishment:

5 rds for time of

Run 200-M

10 Pull-Ups

20 Push-Ups

30 Air Squats

40 Sit-Ups

Result: 39 something
Pukey Scale: 3.5 of 5
Sadism Scale: 5 of 5

I didn't do so hot today. I blame this on not enough recovery time and still "hung over" from the trip. I ran through the first two rounds ok but I think that used up all my rest recovery energy. I slowed down quit a bit after that. Bleh. I hope to get back into it correct next week.

Tomorrow, I am going to do a run down of what I ate over vacation. I still haven't had a chance upload the pictures to the web as this morning took me way longer than expected at CF. You can see all the delicasies and other shit you wish you ate!

Suck it.

--Stuntman Mike

Two shitty workouts 12 hours apart

Yesterday's punishment (my lazy ass didn't get up at 6am so I hit up 6pm):

Courtesy of J.Gilson @ CrossFit "Again Faster"
AMRAP in 10 minutes:
10 Hang Power Clean [63/95]
10 Burpees
- - - - - - - - - -
Extra Work:
50 GHD Sit-Ups
50 GHD Hypers

Result: 4 rounds + 1 burpee
Pukey Scale: 3

Hey J.Gilson... FUCK YOU! Thanks for the horrible workout asshole. Did you and Jason become sadistic pen pals over craigslist or something? Had this one been a 5 min amrap I would have done fine and it wouldn't have been so bad but I started cracking at about 7 mins in and my cleans went to shit. Total failure the last 3 mins, that sucked. I cooled off in the hurricane that hit us right when the workout started. Felt good. Krock and Rob both felt pukey but didn't quite pop. (Just feeling pukey for Kristin is like a 6 on the normal pukey scale.) If you ain't puking you ain't trying. Had my cleans not failed me I would have been right there with them. The extra work sucked too. Thanks Jason, you dick.

Today's punishment (12 hours later):

3 rds of:

Row 750/500/250 Meters

SB Bench Press 21-15-9 [@ 75%/100% of Body Weight]

KTE 21-15-9

*Rest as needed between rounds

Result: @125 (We'll have to find out this from Jason, he had some crazy math scribbled down that was supposed to be my time)
Pukey scale: 3.5 (No barf thanks to the breaks)

6AM was all slow getting going this morning, me included. Sarah and Jason tried to trick me into thinking we would skip the WOD and hit up Bennett's for some donuts... its too early for such pranks. The two paleos almost got me to believe it. By the time we actually got to this bitch of a WOD it was already 6:40. I weighed in this morning at 160 and for some stupid reason I thought that is what I was going to bench that. I have never even tried to bench that much before but fuck it, its Friday right? I quickly came to my senses as mixing the row would severely hinder my ability to push out 21 reps over my 5-rep max. No, I did 125 instead (78.125%). Man, it still sucked. Performance-wise I think I did ok. I hope Jason's CF football workout is extra hard today.

Suck it.

--Stuntman Mike

I told you so just doesn't quite say it enough

Punishment of the Day:
50 Jumping Squats [33/45]
Run 400-M
50 KTE
50 KBS [16/24]
50 Walking Lunges
Row 500-M

I was a day late but I was right. (See Tuesday's blog) Jason laid a nasty trap, that sadistic mother fucker. I wonder if this is how a fish feels. I know that plump squirming shrimp has a hook in it and it will lead to my demise but I will do it anyways. I miscalculated; Jason wouldn't do the core WoD the day after the deadlifts, no no no! The evil bastard would wait until day two so the the back muscles were in the middle of rebuilding thus the weakest then he would hit us with a nasty core work out.

On paper it doesn't look to bad and maybe to many of you it wasn't bad at all, but to me it hit about every weak point. Jumping squats... seems easy enough till about the 20-25 range. All of a sudden trying to stay balanced while landing was difficult. The run was so early I don't think it was a factor, I'm surprised it was only a 400. KTEs are fine in small doses but only an asshole would prescribe 50 in a row. After that pukey wave was starting to hit me just as I was moving on to my favorite commie exercise: kettlebell swings. I went with 20kg today, I am just trying to overcome this weakness so I can consistently hit RX'd. Taking the easy way out with a 16 or 14 won't let me do that. I also should be doing these in the warmup to get better, it made the pull up possible. Let me tell you it sucked. Walking lunges also sucked. And the500m row yeah that sucked too.

Result: I forget already (somewhere between 20-25 mins)
Pukey scale: 5 out of 5


It finally happened, this workout is the first official 5 on the pukey scale. I succumbed to my nausea AFTER the workout for once, so it didn't hurt my time. Luckily, I didn't get up in time for a quick breakfast this morning so it was a delectable mix of water and bile. Yummy.

All in all, Jason really kicked my ass with this one. Touché, you sadistic bastard, touché.

SUCK IT.

--Stuntman Mike