day off hangover

Back to reality.

Got to CF late...

SWOD:
Snatch + OHS (surprise, surprise) 8x2 65-75-80-85-90-95 (missed 2nd)-95-100 (missed second)
Strict Pull Ups Max Reps x 3 sets, 3 min. rest (at home)

CFFB DWOD:
5 rds for time of
7 Deadlifts @ 185lbs
21 D/U
10:10


Breakfast - Glass of whole milk, handful of mixed nuts (running late to work, No time for love Doctor Jones!)
Lunch - Rotisserie chicken with the skin pulled off; quart of whole milk
Snack - Banana + Almond butter (hopefully), whole milk
Dinner - Pineapple Sausage Saute (hopefully), whole milk

9 lbs lighter

SWOD:
Power Clean 5 x 3 @135
Strict Chin-Ups 3 x max reps 6-6-7

DWOD:
Perform for time
150 Double Unders
Result: 6:22

May I have another?

Today's WORKOUT:

"ANNIE"

For time:

50-40-30-20-10 rep rounds

Double-Unders

Sit-Ups

Results: 13:13
Pukey scale: 2.5
Sadism scale: 2.5

Well this was a nasty girl that really wasn't all that nasty.  Actually,  after all the bullshit yesterday this didn't feel like a full workout.  Don't get me wrong, DUs were a pain and sit ups suck hairy donkey balls but overall it was a breeze compared to Suck Fest 2009.

Suck it.

--Stuntman Mike

Flu shot? Try FOOL SHOT

Today's bullshit:

Dual Mod ~ GM

For time:

21-18-15-12-9

Burpees

KTE

*Run 400-Meters after "odd" numbered rounds (21,15,9)

**50 D/U after "even" numbered rounds (18,12)

Results: 32ish (not quit sure exactly)

Pukey scale: 4.5 (Run and second round of doubles, I felt it slide up)

Sadism scale: 5

Seriously, this one sucks.  I wish I had finished about 10 minutes faster... not because I wish I had performed better or anything but because 30 minutes plus of this was pure HEEEEEELLLLLL.  Jason fuck you!  I am really surprised we didn't have more pukers today (including myself) this was a nasty brutal one.

I am a big conspiracy theorist, as many of you may already know, and I don't let the MAN just stick me with something that they think will be good for me.  Here is a perfect example.  This is some seriously scary shit:

Here is another take on it:



Yeah, I am going to hell.  Blah, blah, blah, you know you laughed.

Suck it.

--Stuntman Mike

Iron Curtain FAIL

Today's bullshit:

For time:

Run 400-Meters

50 KBS @ 16-k/24-k

35 Pull-Ups

20 Burpees

50 D/U

20 Burpees

35 Pull-Ups

50 KBS

Run 400-Meters

Results: under 40 mins (can't remember now)
Pukey scale: 4.9 of 5 (puked in my mouth)
Sadism scale: 5.0

This one sucked so much. Jason deserves a kick in the balls for this BS. Fucking commie swings were atrocious and completely and utterly kicked my ass. Total FAIL.

So since I am running short on time, I have compiled funny FAILZ I have found from the interwebs. Enjoy!

I love that play 'em off cat. Until tomorrow...

Suck it.

--Stuntman Mike

Monday... errr... Tuesday

Today's punishment:

"Two 4 Tuesday" Dual Mod ~ WM

AMRAP in 15 minutes of

15 SDLHP @ 63/95

15 DU's

Result: 4 rounds 6 sdlhps
Pukey scale: 3 of 5
Sadism scale: 3.5 of 5

Can't get this song/dance out of my head. (NSFW: not safe for work)



Suck it.

--Stuntman Mike

I'm back... BARF!!!!

I returned Tuesday night. I was too tired to go in at 6AM so I took yesterday's punishment at 6pm. And what punishment it was...

"The Filthy Fifty"
50 Box Jumps
50 Jumping Pull-Ups
50 KBS (24k)
50 Walking Lunges
50 KTE
50 Push Press (45 lbs)
50 GHD Hypers
50 WBS (20 lbs)
50 Burpees
50 D/U

Result: 54:52
Pukey Scale: 5 of 5 (after 15 burpees)
Sadism Scale: 5 of 5

Jason is the biggest asshole on earth. He knew I was coming back on Wednesday. Do I get a nice simple workout to ease myself back in after five days of awful eating and no significant work outs? No I get the filthy fucking fifty. FUCK YOU, YOU GOD DAMNED SADIST!!!!

I am not exactly sure why I even went in a 6pm. I knew Jason's sadistic ass would make anyone make up this brutal workout the next day so I could have taken an extra day to acclimated back to my normal routine and this hot, humid weather. In NE it was 80 with 50% humidity, absolutely beautiful weather (and the locals were complaining about the humidity!). Yesterday was 95 degrees (1 below the record set in 1936) with the sun beating in to the garage while it set. I got dehydrated just warming up. I knew I was in for trouble.

The box jumps and jumping pull ups went fine. Commies swings tripped me up in a bad way. I wasn't doing a good job of keeping my balance and these bitches wore me out quick, pushing me to a 4.5 on the pukey scale. The lunges weren't bad but the KTEs kept the pukey scale up. The push presses and back extensions went ok but I couldn't get the pukey feeling to subside. The wall ball shots were pure hell. I did them mostly in sets of ten but they kept pushing me to a 4.9 on the pukey scale so I had to take long breaks in between. Getting to 15 burpees was rough. I had made a couple of trips outside to puke. After 15 I finally lost it. This morning I checked and my rice from yesterday's lunch is still sitting in the plant bed on the left of the door, check it out! After my spat of pukiness and a little rest, I felt better and finished up the remaining 35 burpees in sets of 5. D/Us seemed impossible at that point but I struggled through the first half and then banged out 23 of the last 25 in a row; 2 more and it was all over, almost an hour over. My punishment for a week of gluttony.

10 1/2 hours later I was back at it again... today's punishment:

5 rds for time of

Run 200-M

10 Pull-Ups

20 Push-Ups

30 Air Squats

40 Sit-Ups

Result: 39 something
Pukey Scale: 3.5 of 5
Sadism Scale: 5 of 5

I didn't do so hot today. I blame this on not enough recovery time and still "hung over" from the trip. I ran through the first two rounds ok but I think that used up all my rest recovery energy. I slowed down quit a bit after that. Bleh. I hope to get back into it correct next week.

Tomorrow, I am going to do a run down of what I ate over vacation. I still haven't had a chance upload the pictures to the web as this morning took me way longer than expected at CF. You can see all the delicasies and other shit you wish you ate!

Suck it.

--Stuntman Mike

Back in action

Tuesday's punishment:

"Creola"
2 Dundee Honey Browns
1 One Barrel rum on the rocks
2 Coors Lights
1 Brooklyn Brown
1 Shark Bite ( some tall cocktail, no idea wtf was in that)

Result: Lots of urination. Slight slurring of the speech. Warm, jovial feeling.
Pukey Scale: 4 out of 5 the next morning

My liver hates me. No CrossFit this day.

---

Yesterday's punishment at 6 pm:

AMRAP in 15 minutes of:

1 Power Clean

2 Hang Power Cleans

3 Push Jerks

5 Burpees

Rx'd weights - 93/155

Result: 9 + 2 HPCs @ 105lbs
Pukey Scale: 3 out of 5

This one was rough. I still wasn't 100% but it helped cleanse me quite a bit. My first five minutes were strong, I was able to bang out four rounds. I started faltering after that. Fuck Jason and his ridiculous work outs. Bastard is picking on the drunks.

---

Today's punishment at the usual 6am:

Triple Mod ~ MWG

For time:

50 D/U

40 WBS [14/20]

30 Walking Lunges

Run 400-Meters

50 KBS [16/24]

Run 400-Meters

30 Walking Lunges

40 WBS

50 D/U

Result: 26 something.
Pukey Scale: 4 of 5

Terrible levels of suck on this one. Be it dehydration or low blood sugar or what ever, I actually got light headed towards the end of the work out. I almost sat my ass down during the second round of WBS, but I decided to just push through since I was almost done. I am glad I did because there was never a point where I actually passed out so it would have been a waste of time. If I had passed out while the medicine ball was in mid-air this would be a different post. I found it funny though that my DUs were way better in the second round then the first. I think this was the fact that I wasn't fully awake yet.

Commie swings. Fucking Jason put 50 of those bitches in the middle. I HATE HIM. I HATE KBS.

Suck it.

--Stuntman Mike

CFFM: Crossfit For Masocists

Today's punishment:

"The Twins"
"Your Choice", pick one OR two of the following WOD's:
1.) "Death by 10 Meters"
2.) Row 3-K for best time
3.) 5 min. Max Rep D/U's

Result: 3.) 113 1) 12 runs
Pukey Scale: 1 of 5

Are we all masochists? I don't consider myself a prude by any means but I have never been into whips, chains, choking, or snuff porn. Dominatrices scare me more than turn me on. Handcuffs are more of a nuisance than an aphrodisiac. Could I really be a masochist?

I had the "choice" to do one or two of the WODs. I chose two. First up was the double unders. 113 was the magic number. I was having some problems midway with doing more than five in a row but it picked up in the end. I took a little break and moved on to "Death by 10 Meters." This one is funny because it goes from redonkulously easy to impossible. And it is impossible, even Usain Bolt will eventually fail although I imagine it would be much later than when I did. Big thanks to Sarah who, in a show of fellow masochism, jumped in with me mid-workout. (Plus she is doing an endurance WOD later in the day, CRAZY!)

So I could have done one WOD and went home but I did two. What does this mean? I have been going to a place for over a year that's motto is "Show up to throw up." The Crossfit program routinely beats up on the Crossfiters and we take it with pride and enthusiasm. One of the definitions of masocism is "a willingness or tendency to subject oneself to unpleasant or trying experiences." Well shit, I guess that answers the question. Don't get me wrong, the benefits are there but maybe there is an easier way. I don't really care, I accept my fate. In the end its pretty gratififying even if it is a pyschological disorder. That won't stop me from continuing to hate Jason and expose all his evil deeds.

Suck it.

--Stuntman Mike

No pain, no gain... right?

Today's punishment:

AMRAP in 15 Minutes of
30 D/U's
30 KBS

Result: 2 rounds + 8 commie swings (RX'd)
Pukey Scale: 1 out of 5

I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I hate Jason. I REALLY HATE KBS.

Suck it.

--Stuntman Mike

Know thy enemy

Today's punishment:

AMRAP in 15 minutes of

20 DU's [100 singles]

20 KBS [16k/24k]

Result: 4 rounds @ 20k + 20 DUs

Pukey Scale: 1 out of 5 (not even a burp)

Don't let the low rank on the pukey scale fool you. After my defiant behavior yesterday, Jason threw out the trump card... my kryptonite: the Kettlebell Swing. Well played Jason, well played. Since it was paired with double-unders I figured it was a good time to try to go a little heavier so I did it at 20k (fucking Commie metric system) which isn't even the rx'd weight, 20k still gives me trouble. I hate this Commie exercise to my American core! (Get it???) Seriously, Kettlebell swings are the most evil exercise ever. Disagree with me... maybe if you were informed on the history of the kettlebell you would understand. Let me enlighten you!

History of the Kettlebell

In ancient times, when it was still politically correct to call Russians Commies, the Commies were really poor (I guess much hasn't changed). The Commies still drank a lot of vodka but they used to drink it warm like tea because they couldn't afford central heat like a real civilization. When the Nazis started attacking Commie cities during dubya-dubya-duece the poor Commie public didn't have enough guns and bullets; all they could do to resist was to fill up their kettles with highly flammable vodka and hurl it off the roof at the invading Nazis. To get the maximum distance out of the kettle hurl, Vladimir Bellinskavich invented a proper form to the movement that could be used to warm up or to exercise; this is known as the kettlebell swing. One of the downsides of the kettlebell swing is that without proper form a swinger could spill the highly flammable vodka in between his or her legs and well... the results aren't pretty. He developed a practice kettle known as a kettlebell, that wasn't a kettle at all. Why didn't the commies just use an empty kettle you ask? Well, because they are Commies and not as smart as you or I so they didn't think about that. This tactic was hardly successful during the war, luckily the ol' US of A kicked the crap out of the Nazis and the Krauts retreated like pussies. Stalin noted Mr. Bellinskavich hard work and ingenuity rewarding him to a all expense paid trip to a hard labor resort in Siberia. The Commies taught all the Foreign Commies how to throw the flaming kettles at the US during the proxy wars we fought over the following years. The Commies also continued to use the kettlebell swing as a form of exercise and made sure to show the Americans that they had a cool exercise the we didn't. (All we had come up with during this time was Jazzercise). Americans predictably got jealous and broke Bellinskavich out of prison, only Bellinskavich didn't believe he was actually in a prison because his dumb Commie ass had been so indoctrinated. So he developed a new form of the kettlebell swing that would suck harder then the first one. Thus the two forms were known as Russian (2/3 swing perfect for hurling flaming kettles) and American (full swing which would dump the flaming vodka all over the head of the American, severely burning him) He taught his evil swing to any American that would listen hoping that the American public would burn itself as the Commie army advanced into any American city. All the fitness folks complied believing it to be the superior technique. Luckily, since Bellinskavich is just a dumb Commie, he didn't realize that we would never use this tactic in battle because our military is fucking awesome and our public is armed to the teeth thanks to the 2nd amendment.

The end.

Suck it Commies.

--Stuntman Mike