So much to hate, so little time

Yesterday's bs...

"Nicole"
AMRAP in 20 minutes of
Run 400-Meters
Max Rep Pull-Ups

Result: Sixty-nine dude!
Pukey scale: 3
Sadism scale: 3

Today's punishment:

"You can't handle the truth"
AMRAP in 12 minutes of
Back Squat @ 125lbs/185lbs, 7 reps
Burpees, 10 reps

Result: 4 rounds + 3 burpees @ 125lbs
Pukey scale: 4
Sadism scale: 5 (and I didn't even do rx'd)

Let's start with the new stretches.  I hate them.  I don't hate them because I think they are stupid or won't work but they are pretty damn tough and I am sweating like the oldies when I am done.  They will be good for us but DAAAAAAAMN feels like a WOD on its own.  When we did it the first day, I was wondering if Jason was going to make a video for America's Funniest Videos, everyone was falling over, me with the most stuntman like falls.  I hadn't realized what age had done to my ability to balance, especially my left side; I felt like a stroke victim out there.  Also I didn't realize how inflexible my legs are.  I kept hearing the chant straighten your legs... but that is as far as they go!  Post-WOD stretches aren't too bad but again, I am no longer flexible so it will take some getting used to.

For me, Nicole isn't a bad bitch.  I didn't crush my old score like a lot of people did yesterday but I increased by production by 7.  I added a round but my average pull-ups per round wasn't as good so hopefully I can do a little better on that next time.

"You can't handle the truth" that this WOD is going to kick your ass.  Looks totally doable on paper but I tell you what.  Hate isn't a strong enough word.  I would rather have done 40 minutes of Nicole this morning.  Goood lawd!  Everyone looked plenty pukey after.  Shout to Rob for Rx'ng that shit @ 185!

I hate daylight savings bullshit.  Since I wake up early (an thus go to bed earlier then I used to) this is the first year I have been affected by fall back, but it still sucks because I went to bed at 8pm on Sunday... or was it the donut burger?  Still I

I also HATE that the old people are back.  My commutes are starting to really suck again.

Suck it, gray hairs.

--Stuntman Mike

Make sure to read the fine print.

Today's punishment:

 

Power Clean

1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1

*Go heavy, use 90-95% of 1-RM for reps across the board.

 

Results: 145, miss(155), 150, 155, miss(160), miss(160), miss(160), miss(160)

Sadism scale: 1

Ughh, so until about my 6th set I didn't realize that we weren't supposed to be building up to max.  My max was 155 which I did hit, but I didn't PR today (kinda got frustrating).  140 was what I should have been doing which I would have been able to hit all the way across.  Oh well.

Happy Slutoween bitchez.

Suck it.

--Stuntman Mike

 

 

May I have another?

Today's WORKOUT:

"ANNIE"

For time:

50-40-30-20-10 rep rounds

Double-Unders

Sit-Ups

Results: 13:13
Pukey scale: 2.5
Sadism scale: 2.5

Well this was a nasty girl that really wasn't all that nasty.  Actually,  after all the bullshit yesterday this didn't feel like a full workout.  Don't get me wrong, DUs were a pain and sit ups suck hairy donkey balls but overall it was a breeze compared to Suck Fest 2009.

Suck it.

--Stuntman Mike

Frenemies

What today's workout should have been:

3 rounds of
Row 750-Meters for time, never slowing more than three (3) seconds from best interval.
*Foul, if you slow more than indicated: 100 walking lunge steps (per foul!)

I was excited about this when I saw it on the blog.  Looked therapeutic for my back, not long enough to make me pukey.  Just a nice day at the gym since the last two I actually attended have sucked so bad.  Since I skipped out on yesterday, I was a little worried that Jason would have me make it up but he didn't say anything and I sure as hell didn't say anything.  Then Rob and the Baconator come strolling in later than me and are all "We are going to do yesterday's work out."  Thanks guys, you dicks.



So today's work out was the bullshit from yesterday:

AMRAP in 12 minutes of
Push Press @ 63/95, 8 reps
KBS @ 16-k/24-k, 16 reps
(Now named "Suck fest" because everyone bitched about it so much)

Result: 5 rounds + 5 kbs at a pathetic 65 lbs and 20k bell
Pukey scale: 3
Sadism scale: 5

Seriously this is three in a row of sadism @ 5.  So first of all, fuck you Jason for inflicting all types of punishment on your CFFM crews.  I kind of pussed out on this in two way: my back was still so sore from Monday so I didn't come in yesterday, running some cop out laps instead and this morning I was scared so I did really light weight as to not aggravate the back anymore.  Look Stuntman may be my first name but my job is to sit in front of a computer for 8+ hours a day.  I can only have three injuries that can affect my performance at work: A) brain/head  injury 2) hand injury D) back injury.  My horrible commie swing form tends to do bad things to my back anyways so "Suck Fest" looked like a possible career ending injury.

Oh and by the way, I will continue my rant from this morning.  NEVER TELL JASON HOW MUCH THE WORK OUT SUCKED.  This one will happen again because everyone hated it.  This is how his mind works.  He is a sadist, remember that.  If you hate the workout the proper protocol is to tell him that it wasn't bad at all.  Although this may also lead to harder ones... just don't give him feed back at all.

Anyways, I felt guilty so I stuck around and did today's WOD as well.  As I thought, the rows actually HELPED with my back.  I firmly believe that rowing is the best and safest form of cardio.  I hatez me some rows when mixed with a work out but individually I think it is great, I really should do that as my warm up more.

So results on that one: 3:05.1, 3:03.0, 3:05.0... no lunges for me!

Suck it.

--Stuntman Mike

ITS NOT A TUMA!

Just saw this on wired... fucking awesome:

http://www.wired.com/threatlevel/2009/10/schwarzenegger/

Way to go Arnie, stick it to the man!

--Stuntman Mike

30 year old virgin

My own punishment:

Run 2 miles, don't stop.

Result: Well I didn't actually time it but I will calculate this from the songs I listened to...

Arcade Fire - Neighborhood #3 (Power Out) - 5:13
Arcade Fire - The Well And The Lighthouse - 3:57
At the Drive-In - Pattern Against User - 3:18
At the Drive-In - Rolodex Propaganda - 2:56
At the Drive-In - Cosmonaut - 3:23
Beastie Boys - Intergalactic - 3:33  (Half)

~20:35

So while I was bored out of my mind on my run (seriously I don't know how you CFE freaks do it) I was thinking about this blog post and when the last time I ran two consecutive miles was.  I think the answer is never...  I don't think I have ever attempted such a preposterous feat. 

Actually that probably isn't true because in May of 2008 I tried to go running with my LSD Aunt and Uncle in NYC.  (That is Long Slow Distance for those not up with the lingo, not acid, although it would have been a very different trip, OH!) I made it just shy of a mile before I started to walk, had I left it to them it would have been a 6 mile morning. 

But I digress, even in my youth I don't think I ever did more than the mile required in 4th grade so as I started out on my run tonight I decided it was the night I bust my cherry.

Overall it wasn't bad at all, my calves got a little tight but I never really got out of breath and probably could have ran longer if it wasn't so fucking boring.  Maybe this should be the test for ADD, if so I would FAIL or pass depending on how you look at it.

 Suck it.

--Stuntman Mike

True S&M

Friday's punishment:

TGIF ~ Triple Mod

For time:

Row 1000-Meters

50 WBS @ 14/20

30 Pull-Ups

- - - - - - - - - -

Optional Second Round

Row 500-Meters

40 WBS

20 Pull-Ups

- - - - - - - - - -

Optional Third Round

Row 250-Meters

30 WBS

10 Pull-Ups

 

Results: Round 1 in 12ish (didn't remember exactly), round 2 was slooooow.  No round 3 for me.

Pukey scale: 3 first round, 4 second

Sadism: Solid 5

I knew this one was a straight up 5 on the sadism scale before I walked in the door.  Seriously, when ever you see the word "optional" in the WOD its an automatic 5.  Jason uses some mental mind fuck action on these because he could easily stick this all in under the WOD and you just do it because you have to.  There doesn't seem like a choice, but the word "optional" appears next to it and you either want to keep going or feel like you should keep going.  Put me in the latter.  Everyone was enjoying a tasty chilled beer while I was working round two of this suck-fest.  What did we get for our efforts?  A smiley face next to our names.  WTF? Are we in third grade?  If I have shitty form on my wall balls do I get a check next to my name?  If we get 3 checks do we get sent to time out (I would totally exploit this)?  I tell you what, AP handed me one of his Amstel Lights after the WOD and all was right with the world again.  I love CFFMHH.

I got invited to the CFE WOD at lakes Park this weekend.  I was going to do it till I found out it was 3 x 1.5 miles. You people are crazy but I salute you.  Lots of football watching this weekend even if most of the games sucked. And then...

Today's shitty ass WOD:

Triple Mod Monday ~ WMG

For time:

Deadlift @ 135/225lbs, 20 reps

Run 800-Meters

20 Box Jumps

20 Burpees

Run 800-Meters

20 Box Jumps

20 Burpees

Results: @185, 20ish (forgot again... I need to get better at recording it)

Pukey scale: 2

Sadism scale: 5 (a sneaky 5)

The actual workout isn't that bad... then how did we get to a 5?  Heavy dead lifts on a triple mod, to START the week.  This one is partially my fault, I was going for RX'd and didn't warm up properly.  If I am going to be gunning for 90% of my 1RM then I need to really work into it.  So I ended up settling for 185.  Got through the workout ok but definitely felt the dead lifts.  Now sitting in my chair at work in front of my computer I REALLY feel them.  I don't think the second half of the workout had anything to do with it, just the deads. +1 Jason.

Since we have been getting a heavy dose of sadism here, I saw something this morning for the ultimate masochist...

For those of you that don't know what you are looking at, it is a sex toy for men.  This is based on the "Fleshlight" which is a normal mouth that men are supposed to use to... well you get the idea.  My hand works plenty fine for me so I see no point in complicating matters with a device such as this.  I guess the Halloween theme is cute.  I am not into this vampire fad currently going on but whatevz.  Then I saw what was on the inside:

If you put this on your dick you seriously hate yourself.  WTF!!!! That shit has thorns on the inside!!!!  Jason may be a sadist but I don't think even his evil ass could dream up something like this.

Suck it (sans thorns)

--Stuntman Mike

F L O R I D A S T A T E

Whew that was close!

Yesterday's bs:

Jerk (Push or Split)
5 x 3 @ 85% of 1-RM


Results: 5 x 3 @ 115

Sadism: 1

I probably could have done more weight on this one but I decided to focus on technique because for some reason my jerks have fallen way off.  These sets were still way sloppier than I wanted them to be.  I should be adding handstand pushups or just handstands to my warm up to help the whole active shoulder thing.

I skipped this morning for two reasons: CFFMHH this evening and FSU played a game last night and actually won.  I am glad I stayed up and watched the whole thing because they came back for the win in the fourth quarter.  This game would be impossible to predict because we had a great FSU offense (ranked 8th in the country) against a great UNC defense (ranked 10th)  and a horrible FSU defense (ranked 101st) versus an equally bad UNC offense (99th).  The first half was scary as it looked as if their defense would keep us contained and their offense would make a mockery of our defense.  The second half was a different story... we started moving the ball again, the announcers kept complaining about our quarter back who finally bombed it 40 yards in from deep in our own end zone and the receiver finished the the rest of the play for a 99 yard touchdown.  (starting at 56 seconds on the video)  How nice it feels to see us doing that to another team then it happening to us (which it has about 6 or 7 times this year).  The Noles who were 2-4 for the first time since '76 in a season where we had high expectations,a virtual lock for the ACC Championship.  Now we are at 3-4 and trying to work our way back into bowl eligibility.  Since the gator game can already be marked as a lose.  We have to win 4 out of 5 just to stay bowl eligible.  The funny thing is we still aren't completely out of the ACC race, miracles can still happen.  I am also glad I get to spend the second weekend in a row not worrying about FSU losing.



Suck it haters.

--Stuntman Mike

Flu shot? Try FOOL SHOT

Today's bullshit:

Dual Mod ~ GM

For time:

21-18-15-12-9

Burpees

KTE

*Run 400-Meters after "odd" numbered rounds (21,15,9)

**50 D/U after "even" numbered rounds (18,12)

Results: 32ish (not quit sure exactly)

Pukey scale: 4.5 (Run and second round of doubles, I felt it slide up)

Sadism scale: 5

Seriously, this one sucks.  I wish I had finished about 10 minutes faster... not because I wish I had performed better or anything but because 30 minutes plus of this was pure HEEEEEELLLLLL.  Jason fuck you!  I am really surprised we didn't have more pukers today (including myself) this was a nasty brutal one.

I am a big conspiracy theorist, as many of you may already know, and I don't let the MAN just stick me with something that they think will be good for me.  Here is a perfect example.  This is some seriously scary shit:

Here is another take on it:



Yeah, I am going to hell.  Blah, blah, blah, you know you laughed.

Suck it.

--Stuntman Mike

There will be blogs

Yesterday's punishment:

Triple Mod ~ WMG
AMRAP in 15 minutes of...
Hang Power Clean @ 103/155, 3 reps
Sprint 100-Meters
Pull-Ups, 6 reps

Results: 8 + 3 hpc
Pukey scale: 3.5
Sadism scale: 3


Ok I am little late rolling this one out. Fairly solid morning for me yesterday, about the only good thing that happened all day.  My goals were simple:

A) Don't take longer than a "rest pause" (no water break)
2) Don't break up the reps
D) Get 10 rounds

Pass, Pass, FAIL.  Ok so I didn't hit my target but I managed to achieve two out of three and that ain't bad.

The rest of the day went like this: car troubles, server issues, business meetings, oh my.

I heard today's was a beyotch.  I am sure I will have some nasty words ready for Jason.

Suck it.

Stuntman Mike